Friday night, about the time I was settling into bed at a friend’s house after having enjoyed a night out at Argenta Community Theater’s production of “Cinderella” (where another friend was playing the stepmother), five people, including a boy who’d only recently turned 9, were being killed in Cleveland, Texas, just north of Houston.

Their crime? They asked a neighbor to stop shooting his AR-15-style rifle in his yard late at night when their baby was trying to sleep. The neighbor then reportedly entered the house and killed half the people there and, as of this writing, is still on the loose. (Quick edit here: Shortly before I went to bed, it was announced he’d been captured without incident Tuesday evening. Thank God for that.)

This was only the latest such event arising from “threats” any one of us might make without thinking of the consequences: ringing the wrong doorbell, pulling into the wrong driveway, getting into the wrong car, or going to the grocery store, church, school or the movies. One friend Tuesday afternoon marked herself safe on Facebook from having tried to get into the wrong car. Considering how the “shoot first, ask questions later, or never” mentality, and the idea that “stand your ground” laws give people the right to shoot if anyone so much as steps on their property have taken hold, her post wasn’t surprising. When so many people are wound so tight and they’re armed, it’s a recipe for disaster.

When I opened my social media accounts Sunday, I was met with post after post mourning the loss of lives and pointing out the obvious, that guns are the problem and more guns aren’t the answer, which of course were met with cries of “you can’t take away my gun” and “it’s the hearts and minds of people, not guns.”

Sigh. This isn’t an either/or.

We’ve gotten into a cycle over the past few decades of having a series of mass shootings, followed by calls to tighten gun regulations and better enforce what we have, then having the gun lobby say it’s too early to discuss it (it’s never the right time, apparently). Usually a few days later, the gun lobby ramps up its “good guy with a gun” messaging along with the “criminals don’t follow laws” shtick, and gun and ammo sales go through the roof. Wait a little while, and repeat. Which is how we’ve gotten to the point where the number of guns outnumber people in the U.S. by about 100 million, concentrated in the hands of only about 45 percent of the population.

Poll after poll has shown that the majority of the American public, including NRA members, support the very measures that might have an effect: enhanced background checks, red-flag laws, required wait times, etc. But none of that will work, according to the way-too-loud minority, which has been fooled into thinking that sheer volume equals support. Because of that minority and the lobbies that support it, not much gets done, except that areas are “hardened,” more guns are sold, and anxiety deepens.

The effect of all that is that we’re in an unsustainable position. We can’t harden everything because then we’d be living in a prison. You expect security guards at retail stores and banks, but do we really need them everywhere? There’s really no place that’s truly safe anymore, not even your own home. More guns are clearly not the answer, or we’d be the safest country in the world.

As so many have pointed out, it shouldn’t be harder to vote, adopt a shelter pet, buy cold medicine, get a passport, or dozens of other things than it is to buy or otherwise access a gun (considering how many shooters got their guns legally, access is a huge problem). Members of that loud minority keep stocking up, showing up with guns everywhere they go … for “protection,” or at least the hope that they’ll be the “good guy with the gun who stops the bad guy” even though that happens less frequently than the good guy without a gun stopping him, and both of those are far behind how mass shootings normally end: with the shooter fleeing, committing suicide, or being killed or taken into custody by police.

We can’t keep living like this, waiting for literal trigger warnings. Do we really need to always be on edge, constantly looking for a threat that may not be there? That’s hardly healthy physically or emotionally. Should kids be afraid to go to school because not only is it like a prison but it’s still not protecting them, let alone doing what it’s supposed to do: educate? Should we be afraid to ask a neighbor to keep the noise down to a dull roar when you’re trying to sleep … at night, when most people in the neighborhood sleep? Should we just cancel Halloween trick-or-treating because knocking on a door may get your kids killed when all they wanted was a full-size Hershey bar?

Here’s what I propose: Calm down and evaluate the situation with a clear mind and facts, not opinion. We created the situation, and it’s up to us to work to make it better.

Gather the data and expert analysis (meaning by people qualified to interpret full statistics, laws, etc., not your favorite opiner). See what’s worked for others and what hasn’t, and devise a reasonable plan (one that allows for gun-owners’ rights and for the rights of others to not be shot on their way to the mailbox) based on that, not on red versus blue or gun enthusiasts versus gun-grabbers. Implement the necessary changes (personally, I’d go for those enhanced background checks, red-flag laws, raising the age to buy any gun to 21, wait times, plus licensing and insurance requirements similar to that for cars to encourage responsible behavior), and preferably nationwide rather than state-by-state because the patchwork we currently have is part of the problem. If that doesn’t have a positive effect after, say, a couple of years, adjust, but don’t throw the whole effort out. Nothing on this scale is going to show results immediately, so you have to give it more than a few months before pronouncing it a failure.

Just as importantly, we need to adjust our culture. Worshipping guns and making it easier to get them, plus generating fear of the other (basically anyone who isn’t just like us), has led to more violence and anxiety. In Cleveland, Texas, for example, residents have said it’s not unusual to hear gunfire; it was normal for people to get off work, and start drinking and shooting in their yards (alcohol and guns: what a smart combo).

I remember, when I was a kid, that we were taught that guns are tools, not toys, and are to be respected. We were taught responsibility and hunter safety. We were taught to never point a gun if we weren’t going to shoot, to make sure the gun was unloaded when not in use, to always assume the gun will fire if you touch the trigger (sometimes safeties fail), and to be aware of our target and what was beyond it. What we weren’t taught is that guns are to be worshipped and always on hand. The reason for that, again: They are a tool, and one to be handled responsibly; if we aren’t willing to accept the responsibility, no gun.

It wasn’t till I moved down to central Arkansas that I was hearing gunfire regularly, and especially on New Year’s Eve (seriously????); if you heard a lot of gunfire where I grew up, most of the time someone was practicing with targets (with a regular rifle or BB gun) or you were near where someone was hunting. There’s a time and a place for guns, and responsible people know that. They also know that performative bluster means nothing; just because you own a gun doesn’t mean you should, or that you would be able to react in an active-shooter situation in a way that doesn’t harm innocent bystanders or make police think you’re the shooter. If you want to own a gun, especially of the more-lethal variety like AR-15-style rifles, you must train on the weapon, and not treat it as something to do for laughs. (The caliber of the bullet doesn’t make a huge difference; it’s the speed of the bullet, thanks to more propellant, that makes those from AR-15-type guns deadlier as they create a blast effect once they’ve hit a target, tumbling and shredding bones and tissue.)

While gun lovers may mean to strike fear in the bad guys, they’re actually doing that to friends, neighbors and strangers they may meet while strapped and loaded for bear. The bad guys don’t care; the others (yes, even the friends and neighbors) don’t know what that supposedly lawful gun owner’s intentions are, so they’re scared (and some of them probably know that some of these guys shouldn’t have access to any guns, much less guns based on military rifles. And here’s a thought: Perhaps some of these shooters are using the open-carry craze to their advantage as most of them don’t look much different that the guys who like to tote guns around to prove their manhood. What better cover do they need?

As Rene Arevalo Sr., a neighbor of the suspect and victims in the Cleveland shooting, said in an Associated Press article, “I tell my wife all the time, ‘Stay away from the neighbors. Don’t argue with them. You never know how they’re going to react.’ I tell her that because Texas is a state where you don’t know who has a gun and who is going to react that way.”

That’s how it’s become virtually everywhere in the U.S., with so many of us (including and sometimes especially those with guns) living in a state of constant fear. We can’t go on like this. Sadly, I’d bet we will.

Lord, I need some Vitamin C.