Twitter burns | Serenity is a fuzzy belly

It’s sort of apropos that I decided to hold off on this week’s Twitter burns, especially considering that as I write this, I’m back from my EGD, which revealed I have an ulcer … woo hoo! Believe me, it could have been much worse and, bonus, I get to avoid another colonoscopy for now (standing O for that!).

But it wasn’t just my gut that was burning; it was Twitter (and for the past two weeks, since I’m catching up from last week’s burns as well). I can tell you that the Trumpster-divers are already even more insufferable after the Tuesday special elections in South Carolina and Georgia. Which seems to make them even more easily offended. This is gonna be “fun” …

Even though Jon Ossoff didn’t win in the Georgia 6th, he (and his counterpart in South Carolina) cut the victory margin drastically in previously safe red districts. And he got a certain somebody all worked up on Twitter. Thanks, Jon!

Someone has to keep lawyers employed.
Screnshot from Nom de Plume’s Twitter page.

Well, they reportedly were registered … just not as Republicans. Oopsy!
Screenshot from Protect Voter Rights’ Twitter page.

Some gave all …
Screenshot from Rags Morales’ Twitter page.

And make their attorneys get attorneys, and their attorneys …
Screenshot from Sandy Spencer’s Twitter page.

Slapfights are always more important than anything else.
Screenshot from Mike Rundle’s Twitter page.

I’ll even throw salt over my shoulder and spit!
Screenshot from Lauren NotEvenPeople’s Twitter page.

Well, he did! Ya know, because we’re not supposed to use your own words against you.
Screenshot from Brook Lundy’s Twitter page.

At least that’s what the dossier says …
Screenshot from Jeremy Newberger’s Twitter page.

Lordy, I wish I’d said this.
Screenshot from Ian Boothby’s Twitter page.

Don’t know if delusions are covered either. Probably not.
Screenshot from Alt Fed Employee’s Twitter page.

Chuck Schumer lampooned that weird Cabinet meeting/safe space for Donnie, which upset some of the “big” guy’s followers … which resulted in some giggles for me.

Well, sure, every meeting should have the bulk of it taken up by fawning adoration. Because meetings are far too productive.
Screenshot from Resist’s Twitter page.

Of course, it wasn’t just the special elections (more specifically Georgia 6th) and people making fun of him that got Cheeto Jesus’ (and that of his followers) blood boiling. Someone did manage to keep his phone away from him during the Comey testimoney, but all things Comey and Russia have been upsetting him pretty much ’round the clock, and he still believes the media wants him to stop tweeting (um, that’s your lawyers and staff, whose advice you continually ignore). Good times.

I’m seriously considering getting one of these … or maybe there’s a ringtone of Comey saying it …
Screenshot from Not THAT Michael J’s Twitter page.

Is it weird that I can hear him saying that?
Screenshot from John Fugelsang’s Twitter page.

Condensation’s just mean!
Screenshot from Trump’s Twitter page.

His is the only reality of which he approves.
Screenshot from Justin Hendrix’s Twitter page.

Lewis Carroll is shaking his head right now. Even he couldn’t come up with anything this bizarre. But yeah, don’t be a hatter.
Screenshot from Trump’s Twitter page.

I had no idea our weather had a flag …
Screenshot from Trump’s Twitter page.

Preparing for his intweetment … but Twitter will be more boring … though less hateful.
Screenshot from Amanda Guinzburg’s Twitter page.

What? Is someone implying Russian espionage? Shocker!
Screenshot from dg’s Twitter page.

Sounds about right to me.
Screenshot from Dan Sterling’s Twitter page.

Noooo! He has bigly support! Boris and Natasha told me so!
Screenshot from Zane Marshall’s Twitter page.

Numbers are hard!
Screenshot from Veri Enteresting’s Twitter page.

Or as a letter we just printed said, when our teachers told us anyone could be president, we didn’t take it as a warning. I’d vote for the dog, though. Hell, I’d vote for a howler monkey.
Screenshot from Eugene Gu, MD’s Twitter page.

Oh, crap! Nobody saw that, right?
Screenshot from Jonathan Wier’s Twitter page.

Oh, no, you can’t use something he said on national television!
Screenshot from pourmecoffee’s Twitter page.

Forget Calvin Klein … buy Donald Trump’s Obsession!
Screenshot from Danielle’s Twitter page.

I think I can (get away with this), I think I can …
Screenshot from Troy Maurice’s Twitter page.

It’s a secret! Only I and the Russians know!
Screenshot from Peter Blake’s Twitter page.

I call dibs on the hammer!
Screenshot from Jeff Smith’s Twitter page.

Spelling matters.
Screenshot from Jane Anderson’s Twitter page.

It’s like it was fate or something.
Screenshot from RevBigRing’s Twitter page.

The president retweeting Hannity should be worrying … but laughs are able to be found.
Screenshot from Autodidactic Cat’s Twitter page.

Hannity’s not as entertaining as this.
Screenshot from Lapsed Catholic’s Twitter page.

I kinda think Lennon and McCartney would like this.
Screenshot from Wendell Nelson’s Twitter page.

It’s a great big, beautiful … uh … gate.
Screenshot from Feline Overlords’ Twitter page.

Hopefully there’s neither approval nor disapproval … don’t need people screaming about biased investigations. (He’s also wrong: Obama’s Rasmussen ratings were higher.)
Screenshot from Elad Nehorai’s Twitter page.