Something struck me when I was perusing my Threads feed last week.

Wedding photographer Kelsey Combe posted May 27: “Here’s the thing. I am lectured daily on here—by older (and predominantly white) men. My actions are scrutinized. My ‘behavior’ is ridiculed. I am told I’m not polite enough. Or that I need to be more ‘clear’ in my posts. That my jokes aren’t funny. Or that I’m supporting organizations that are ‘bad.’

“Guys. It’s not 1835. It’s also not 1965. It’s 2025 and we are not your property. We are not yours to order around. We are (and always were) our own people. Leave us alone.”

A lot of women (and more than a few enlightened men) just nodded their heads, exactly as I did last week, having recognized my own life.

This is what women who put themselves out there in any public manner at all, whether it’s performing to sellout crowds at concert venues, writing books or columns, fulfilling the role of public servant, teaching, or even just posting on social media have to deal with. Every. Single. Day.

For female and nonconforming journalists, it’s something that comes with the job, but really shouldn’t. In a March 2021 story in The Hill by Alex Gangitano and Julia Manchester, freelance journalist and co-founder of the Save Journalism Project Rachel Bassett said, “There’s this narrative that becoming a public figure, becoming a journalist, speaking out on Twitter, you should just expect some level of this. That narrative should absolutely not be acceptable anywhere because that just encourages trolls to think, ‘Oh that’s just a normal part of their job.’”

How many times have I heard that from the trolls on our newspaper’s site, usually in the form of “I’m a paying customer, so I’ll treat you any way I like”?

Bassett has even had to call the FBI before because someone posted her address in the comments on a Fox News story, The Hill reported. “I’ve slept at friends’ houses before because I was afraid someone was going to greet me at my door certain nights,” she recalled. “My dad and brother called me worried and said we got a voicemail … and this guy says he’s going to kill you.”

I can just imagine the comments conservative Jen Rubin has gotten over the years, especially after she declined to worship Donald Trump. She spent over a decade at The Washington Post, beginning as a strident critic of Barack Obama. And then came Trump, and she saw the light, which is just not acceptable in MAGA-world. She left The Post after owner Jeff Bezos bent the knee to Trump.

I’ve gotten blasted by both sides, so I guess that means I’m doing my job right. Of course, most of my critics tend to say they’re Republican (they’re MAGA, which Abraham Lincoln would abhor) and claim that I’m a far-left Democrat, no matter how many times I’ve pointed out that I’ve never belonged to any party. The best description I’ve seen for myself is utilitarian, as I tend to be in favor of the moral action that results in the greatest overall benefit for the greatest number of people (because you can’t please everyone), though my beliefs vary across the spectrum on different issues, as do most thinking people’s. Still, this has been a red state since 2010, all of which has been in the Trump political era and the Internet cesspool. Sigh.

While the bulk of people are polite in how they deal with women in media, there’s a segment of the population that just can’t. They belittle us, talk down to us, make up lies about us, all in an effort, I suppose, to make them feel manly and superior.

Aw, how cute. They’re big boys!

You can see demonstrations of that in the comment section on virtually any newspaper column by a woman, especially if there’s even a hint of political content, and if anonymous commenting is allowed. I mean, why stand behind what you say by using your real name? That’s crazy talk!

The thing is, while many of us are polite in our everyday lives, we’ve discovered that it doesn’t keep certain elements from treating us like we should be seen (preferably wearing a sensible but lovely frock, pearls and high-heeled shoes) and not heard.

Nope. Not happening. And not just because high heels are murder on the feet. Hell, I’ve only worn a single pair of Kiziks since I broke my arm in December (mainly because I don’t have to bend down/maneuver myself to get them on; I have a new pair en route that I can wear to the office).

As Joan McCarney wrote in her response to Kelsey: “I am 73. Women are not going to go back in time where we couldn’t get birth control without a man first agreeing to it. We are not going back to not voting; too many women had to fight for that right. We aren’t going back to not having financial freedom. And we are not going back to the 1950s. I was there. Not so great! Women of the U.S. unite!”

Women are more than capable of doing just about anything they want, but throughout history they’ve been held back from achieving what some men could simply because they were men. They have blazed trails for everyone, not just women. Where would we be without the work of women like Marie Curie, Katherine Johnson, Shirley Chisholm, Ada Lovelace, Sally Ride and so many others (not to mention those women inventors behind the scenes who were responsible for so many technological advances, like Wi-Fi, windshield wipers and central air conditioning, that we take for granted today)? Where would we be without Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who fought for equal rights for men and women long before she ever sat on the Supreme Court bench? And every single one of them faced what women today still face. Misogyny doesn’t die easily, if at all.

{Side note: I’ll never forget the guy who took me to task on Facebook for my “misogyny” when my brother was dying and I wrote about having implored him to get a covid shot many times before he caught and died from covid. Don’t try to pull that on a word nerd, even when she’s in mourning. Find a dictionary.)

It’s in mansplaining, the “oh, look, she’s thinking” line of patronizing, the “she’s just a girl” putdowns and so many other ways men (and some women) try to make women feel about an inch tall. We’re expected to just smile and nod, pull up our big-girl pants and move on, and forget about getting even a modicum of the respect we’ve earned because, ya know, we’re just girls.

Seriously? Do you treat your mama like that?

Women are tired … of being treated as “less than” when we’ve shown we’re just as capable if not more so than male colleagues, of being paid less for the same work, of having to fight to be heard. We’re tired of the condescending “honey” and “sweetie” when we’re just trying to do what anyone else would be allowed to do. (In college, my first adviser after I switched to Radio-TV News took a look at my proposed schedule for the next semester and said, “Honey, you can’t take 19 hours.” I replied, in an exaggerated Southern accent, “Sweetie, yes, I can. Look at my GPA.” I then switched advisers, and proceeded to earn a 4.0 the next semester.)

We’re tired of the constant criticism every time we challenge a man. We’re tired of having to fight yet again for rights won by our ancestors.

Some say we’re angry. Perhaps some of us are, and for good reason. We just want people to think before they criticize a woman: Would you be as upset if a man did or said whatever a woman just said or did? If the answer is no, that’s a you problem.

We’re not asking that we not be criticized because Lord knows we all need that from time to time; it’s how we learn. We’re just saying you should think about why it bothers you so much when a woman speaks her mind. Is is really what she said, or is it because she’s a woman who dared speak up?

A little honesty in that could go a long way.

One of the best responses I saw on Kelsey’s post last week was from Jeff Hallett, who in his Threads bio says he “[b]elieves freedom, responsibility, and respect are inseparable”: “This is a mentality I don’t understand, or at least cannot find a way to understand it in a positive light.

“Engagement is not criticism or belittling or lecturing. If I find someone interesting, I follow them. If I choose to engage, it’s generally to build on what they’ve said or support it in some way. Maybe ask questions if it’s a topic I don’t understand. I don’t get the mentality of coming on here solely to troll people or prey on them. (Deep down I do get it, but it’s repulsive and pathetic.)”

Well said, Jeff. If only more of us thought about how we treat our fellow humans.

If you give respect, you get respect. If you give nothing but castigation, insults and belittling, don’t be surprised when your target, especially a woman who’s tired of this s***, fights back.