Finding empathy

This just drives home the political theater bit, especially if you remember that Donald Trump attempted to ban it by executive order late in his first administration. And now there are reports he may not lift the ban the Supreme Court upheld Friday (he paused enforcement for 75 days via executive order, but that doesn’t mean it’s back). When will people learn? Image found on The New York Times.

What do I think about the on-again, off-again TikTok ban? Meh. I never really got into the app.

While the idea of government deciding what social media its citizens in a supposedly free country can access is troubling (in soooo many ways), the way it’s played out in the past week has seemed, to me and many others, to be little more than political theater.

Ugh. Give me strength. And plenty of access to streaming platforms like Netflix, Disney+ and Max.

But what if the government suddenly decides that the offerings of those platforms are propaganda best kept far away from American minds? Then I’d certainly care.

Get between me and my access to “Hamilton” and “Wonka,” among others, and there will be words, and they might not be safe for sensitive ears.

And that’s the thing. Too many of us don’t care about some issues until they directly affect us (or we’ve been led to believe they will or already do based on iffy/slanted anecdotal evidence) or until some disaster, such as the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, causes a reckoning.

But so many of us are taught from childhood to respect the feelings and beliefs of others, so why do we allow ourselves to be divided into partisan camps and roll our eyes at the suffering of others deemed less worthy than us?

His whole shtick is based on pitting people against each other so they won’t notice he only serves himself. Editorial cartoon by Monte Wolverton.

Blame evolutionary psychology, for one.

Luciano Santini, Ph.D., of Common Sense Consulting, wrote on LinkedIn in November, “From an evolutionary perspective, humans are wired to prioritize the safety and well-being of themselves and their immediate social circle. In prehistoric times, humans survived by protecting their own tribes, with little evolutionary incentive to care for those outside of their immediate group. This survival mechanism persists today in subtle ways. While modern society has evolved, our instincts remain, and we are still inclined to prioritize those closest to us.

“This doesn’t mean we lack empathy altogether. But often, our empathy doesn’t automatically extend to everyone—it’s directed at those we identify with or relate to. While someone might feel deeply for a struggling family member, that compassion can wane when they see strangers in distress, especially if they perceive that the situation does not directly impact their own lives.”

Our information environment doesn’t help; with so much coverage of tragedy, people become desensitized to others’ misfortunes (especially when misinformation from social media, lest we forget about all the “crisis actor” narratives following school mass shootings like Sandy Hook or Parkland, or from the president’s own inaugural address, are added into the mix).

I’m with you, kids. Sigh. Editorial cartoon by David Horsey, Seattle Times.

Even worse, Santini noted, “Society also has a way of creating barriers between groups, fostering an ‘us versus them’ mentality. This is seen in economic divisions, racial and cultural divides, and even generational gaps. When people view others as different or distant, they are less likely to feel connected to their experiences. A homeless person, for example, might be regarded as ‘other,’ leading people to believe that their plight is somehow unrelated to their own. This social distancing erodes empathy and prevents genuine concern from taking root.”

While the tendency to care only if you’re directly affected by something is partly human nature, it’s reinforced by societal structures, and often hindered by barriers such as social norms and fear. We could get into a discussion on the trans bathroom issue, or just admit that some people are a little too concerned about things that are mostly not happening (which seems to be the case on a lot of these issues … and hey, most of the time, people go to the bathroom to relieve themselves and that’s it). I admit having skin in the transgender issue, having friends and a family member who are trans, but even if I didn’t, I would probably feel the same way because they’re just good people trying to live their lives as peacefully (and legally) as possible.

I am so tired of all the transgender fear being whipped up. Let people live their lives in peace and safety. Editorial cartoon by Dan Wasserman, Boston Globe.

Sure, I can’t discount that there are indeed some genuine jerks out there who care only for themselves and their tribe, but I have to (because I was made this way) believe that most people don’t want to be that way. I mean, seriously, who chooses to be a jerk rather than a decent human being? While I like being alone, human contact is still important to me. I feel guilty having to ask for rides to physical therapy and doctors’ appointments since I can’t drive yet (and boy, do I miss driving and the ability to just get up and go wherever I need to whenever I need to), but if I behaved like some people do (trolls, certain politicians and pundits, influencers, etc.), I’d spend an awful lot of time being left on the side of the road.

Santini suggested increasing awareness and education, encouraging community engagement, challenging stereotypes and prejudices, modeling and rewarding compassionate behavior, and reflecting on personal values and taking small steps as ways to build a more compassionate society.

Unfortunately, the people most in need of that advice want nothing to do with it. And you wonder why I sigh so much.

There can be no Trump-disapproved material in my brain! GIF found on Tenor.

There’s still hope, though, I think. There are groups out there like Braver Angels that make an effort to build bridges and depolarize society.

In that vein, Braver Angels Arkansas is teaming with the Interfaith Center of Arkansas for a presentation on using the concept of the Golden Rule (present in many faith and social traditions) as a way to reduce the impact of extreme polarization. The free program will be at 6 p.m. Feb. 11 at the Interfaith Center at 1616 S. Spring St. in Little Rock. For more information on the presentation, email ar-coordinators@braverangels.org; for more information on the group and its programs, go to arkansas.braverangels.org or look for Braver Angels Arkansas on Facebook. If you’re outside Arkansas, check the Braver Angels website (braverangels.org) for chapters near you.

A more peaceful environment leads to better sleep, says Luke’s ghost, so can it with the us-versus-them crap and be a better person!

14 thoughts on “Finding empathy

    • A bunch of people have decided that the mere existence of someone different from them means they’re throwing their “lifestyle” in their face. They don’t want them to exist, but they won’t say that (well, most won’t). Instead, they’ll continue to complain whenever anyone treats these “others” as human. Sigh. “Live and let live” only applies to people like the haters. Everyone else is fair game.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I think the key is feeling comfortable with social differences. I grew up in a rural, white, Christian environment and probably assumed all people were like that. However, a career in the social sciences, plus visiting and living in a variety of different cultures made me comfortable with the varied faces of humanity. “Us” got bigger and “Them” got smaller. Today, my us/them mentality is based on people’s treatment of others more than what they look or sound like. I don’t care what you eat, who you love, or which bathroom you use as long as you don’t get it on the floor.

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  2. Maybe it would take Klaatu and Gort landing in the middle of Central Park for us to tear down those walls of division. Or would our human nature divide us into groups, each trying to be the first to acquire knowledge of how Gort works? Being human can be a real burden.

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  3. Brenda how is your arm? Is it healing properly and on schedule or have you had to deal with some unexpected complications? Asked the man who has been working as clerical support staff in a hospital for too many years.

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  4. Brenda you are welcome to use whatever words you want to use to express your opinions or feelings when you are around me because I most definitely do not have “sensitive ears”. I think I mentioned that I spent four years in the U.S. Navy as an enlisted man and my late father was a Marine Corps veteran of World War Two. As a result, I probably know more profanity and cuss words than most other people and have not had “sensitive ears” for many years.

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  5. “Who chooses to be a jerk rather than a decent human being?” I can all too easily think of several people who fit this description but I will try to be nice and not mention any names here. Any of these people who choose to be jerks and seem to like it would not last very long in a job like mine where I try to help nurses and doctors take care of very sick patients. Since I work in the MICU or Medical Intensive Care Unit, we have some of the sickest patients in the whole hospital.

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