Is it really too much to ask?

*This little piggy has the right idea for getting in the mud, though his fellow oinkers may look askance at him. Image found on Dallas Observer.*

My Grandpa Grover came to mind last week when a friend, after I posted comments from trolls on Facebook, replied, “Do not engage with the differently stable.”

It’s like she knows my family.

Grandpa would probably tell me not to get in the mud with the pigs because I’ll just get dirty and the pigs like it. (It wasn’t Grandpa, the storyteller in our family, but Nanny Opal who told me about the time early in their marriage that her daddy, my great-grandpa Lester, came to visit and happened upon a bunch of drunk hogs because she poured into the trough what she thought was the contents of their slop bucket but was actually Grandpa’s attempt to make muscadine wine. I love my family.)

Yet here I am again, dipping my toes in the mud.

A woman holds a sign as some of the Cornell University students take part in a seven-hour sit-in protest representing the seven hours that Jane Doe alleges she was sexually assaulted in a case involving seven members of Cornell’s Chi Phi fraternity gather outside Toni Morrison Dining Hall, while other participants remain inside on Oct. 7. The university announced Tuesday it was banning parties and social events at fraternities for the rest of the school year. Image by Angelina Katsanis/Reuters found on PBS.

But really, it’s for some clarity on the Cornell sexual assault case, as we see so many of the same arguments discounting Jane Doe that are used against women as a rule.

I’m not saying I believe everything claimed in the case. However, there must be an actual investigation because the court of public opinion is not the place for it. And yet, that’s where mostly men are convicting her of asking for what she says happened to her.

Jane Doe gave a lengthy interview to campus police, the transcript of which was 120 pages. What the campus police turned over to the district attorney’s office, however, was a six-page summary, which omitted key context (including her declaration that she was 100 percent certain she was raped), and based on that, the office declined to file criminal charges, only reopening the case when the civil suit was filed last month. Her attorney Thomas Giuffra told The Associated Press that while Doe was going through Cornell’s internal review, she was given the impression by the university police department that a criminal investigation was continuing when it had already ended.

It’s actions like that that have advocates advising women raped on college campuses to go to city or county law enforcement agencies rather than campus police. Claims of independence notwithstanding, campus police agencies have a responsibility to their university. Besides that, they’re not exactly trained to deal with sexual-assault survivors, but more noise and traffic violations and drunk and disorderly citations.

*It’s strange that this should be a controversial stance. Image found on The Gender Policy Report.*

Any sexual assault deserves investigation by agencies that are experienced in such matters, equipped to deal with them, and not beholden to university politics. Tompkins County District Attorney Matthew Van Houten said, “It has become clear that we were not provided the full picture by the university. The focus has been and should continue to be on the victims.” Van Houten was replaced, based on the 120-page transcript, as lead prosecutor on the case with New York Attorney General Letitia James on Oct. 1 by New York Gov. Kathy Hochul.

Internal investigations by schools and other organizations are to be expected, but when it comes to criminal acts such as the alleged sexual assault of Jane Doe by seven fraternity members, criminal investigations should always happen, and by an independent agency. As Hochul noted, “No institution gets to protect its reputation at the expense of a young person seeking justice.” Cornell has been opaque about which of the seven fraternity members were expelled and other punishment given, which is why there is now also an independent investigation into the university’s actions.

As for the many, many critics who point out that Jane Doe was already inebriated when she arrived at the fraternity house, there’s a whole lot of blame to go around there, especially considering she was 20 at the time. However, inebriation with alcohol and drugs doesn’t negate the need for consent, and consent is not transferable. Reportedly, Doe agreed to sex with two men, but no one else, and especially not to crude SnapChat texts offering her up to others. Consent also can be withdrawn at any time. (Plus, New York has a “voluntary intoxication” loophole in its rape statute that can make it harder for rape victims to pursue charges.)

*I suppose that by walking alone she’s asking to be assaulted, at least according to so many people (mostly men) on the Internet. Image by Spencer Platt/Getty found on Forbes.*

Some have pointed to the delay of three weeks before Doe went to campus police with her allegations and was interviewed over the course of two days as reason to doubt her. Not every rape survivor reports immediately (think, especially of those young boys assaulted by clergy who stayed quiet for decades), and the reasons can include self-blame (though to be clear, the person to blame for rape is the rapist), the trauma and re-victimization associated with reporting, being in a state of denial or shock that the assault happened, and fearing disbelief, among others. When sexual assault/abuse happens at an early age and/or within a family or trusted adult relationship, there’s a whole host of other fears that come into play.

Add to that the abuse received when allegations are made public, and it’s no wonder so many survivors of sexual assault, male and female, remain silent.

*Sexual violence is far more prevalent than we seem to understand. Image found on East Los Angeles Women’s Center Instagram page.*

There is no perfect rape/sexual abuse survivor. But the focus we have as a society is misguided. No one deserves such treatment, so why do we focus so much on what the victim did rather than what the alleged perpetrator did? In most murder cases, we don’t blame the victim for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or for wearing certain clothing, or for drinking or taking drugs. We don’t assume that the victim had it coming. Yet that’s exactly what we do with sexual assault.

(For the record, I was 4, 5 and 12, wasn’t drinking or doing drugs, was where I was supposed to be, didn’t ask for it, and was wearing the clothes you’d expect a child of those ages to be wearing. The same goes for unwanted advances later in life. I certainly didn’t have it coming, and I’m definitely not alone.)

When I say we need to ditch rape culture, I’m not saying we should automatically believe any allegations of sexual assault; as I’ve said before, all allegations should be investigated by law enforcement. However, we have to come to grips with the uncomfortable truth that our society seems far more interested in re-victimizing rape survivors than in punishing adjudicated rapists. (Heck, right here in Arkansas, former Gov. Mike Huckabee [our current governor’s dad] released convicted rapist Wayne DuMond, who went on to rape and murder a woman in Missouri, and was suspected of another rape and murder.)

*This is actually a bad idea because of the risk of self-injury if you try to fight off an attacker like this. Image found on BuzzFeed.*

Women spend their lives being taught to be smaller, to acquiesce to men rather than making any sort of fuss, even when abused or assaulted. We’re not supposed to fight back either in word or deed, even though we are told we have to protect ourselves and given countless tips on how to do so, some of which don’t really work (don’t go anywhere alone, put your keys between your fingers, stay in at night, etc.), but no one seems bothered by the reason we’re taught these things. The responsibility for sexual assault/abuse is thus transferred to the victim rather than the perpetrator, which is exactly wrong.

Asking men who abuse others to be responsible for their actions doesn’t take away their rights. Asking them not to intimidate, assault or harass women is not an imposition.

At minimum, it’s asking them to honor a societal contract everyone else honors. Is that really too much to ask?