My mama always told me I came out of the womb worrying (and two weeks early, spoiling her plan for a baby in each week of January, so yeah, I’m impatient too).

It should come as no surprise, then, that I worry about my family (blood and chosen) and friends who are part of the LGBTQIA community, all the time, really, but especially during Pride Month. Arkansas is one of the least-safe states for that community, so my worry is well-founded; the governor’s idea of counter-programming the month as Fidelity Month doesn’t help.

Some have moved from where they were born and raised or that they adopted as home for friendlier climes like Maine and California (I really miss them!!). Those who’ve stayed sometimes opt out of public celebrations such as parades for fear of being assaulted because not all of us are accepting of who they are, even actual family by blood (which is one reason I’m no-contact now with my remaining brother; you disrespect my niece’s existence, and you’ll find I’m a fierce auntie).

That’s not something straight white men have to fear here in Arkansas, especially if they also happen to be evangelical and MAGA. As I wrote in 2023: “People who have been historically marginalized—Blacks, women, LGBTQ, Hispanics, Asian Americans, Native Americans, immigrants in general, etc.—are the same as everyone else on the inside, but because of what’s on the outside, they’ve had to fight to make even the tiniest bit of progress toward what others get as a default.”

While voting was first restricted only to white male landowners, white men as a rule didn’t really have to fight for their rights in a government where everyone looked like them. Everyone else, on the other hand, has had to fight and scrape for every right they have now … and now there are those who want to take away those rights (without realizing that rights taken away from the people they don’t like makes it easier for their own rights to be taken away as well).

Fear is what motivates many of the attacks on “the other.” Fear that freedom for others means less freedom for you … but freedom isn’t pie; there’s plenty to go around. Fear of pronouns, which is frankly ridiculous because we (that’s a pronoun) use pronouns every single day and have since language has existed (including the singular they, which you more than likely use without thinking). Fear of “catching” homosexuality (that’s not a thing; you either are or aren’t on the spectrum, and it’s not a choice, or a lifestyle, any more than heterosexuality is … believe me, if I could choose, I’d be asexual or a lesbian because I’m seriously tired of dealing with men with no respect for anyone who doesn’t think, act and look like them). Fear of being cast out if you offer empathy and love to the marginalized (I think Jesus would like a word with you; at the very least, please read and understand the red words in the Bible).

But there’s really nothing to fear. That trans woman or trans man is someone’s child who is now in the body that feels correct, greatly reducing the odds they’ll become a suicide statistic. That intersex person (if you’re on social media, a great person to follow to learn more about intersex people is Jackie Green, who has complete androgen insensity syndrome, or CAIS) is proof that gender isn’t binary, and that chromosonal combinations are infinite and wondrous (and generally, the only gender-affirming surgeries performed on minors have been on intersex individuals, usually without their input or consent at the direction of their parents). That gay man or woman is someone’s son, daughter, father, mother, uncle, aunt, cousin, nephew, niece or friend whose sexual identity is just not important in the scheme of things. That nonbinary person is just like you and me, and the fact that they prefer “they” shouldn’t be reason to throw a hissy fit.

Every day you are around these people, and you probably don’t even realize it unless you’re a friend or family member because so many don’t live openly. The reason they don’t is because too many people seem to think that they’re throwing their “lifestyle” (again, it’s not a lifestyle, and not a choice) in their faces if they so much as tell someone who they are (and if they don’t feel safe around you, they won’t tell you). The very fact that they exist isn’t throwing their sexuality in your face; so many just keep their head down around strangers and unsafe people because they don’t want any trouble. The thing is, things that are choice are consistently flaunted in people’s faces, such as partisan affiliation (at least one segment of a certain party, anyway), and if others complain about it, they’re branded as haters and intolerant even as those partisans attack anyone who doesn’t fit their worldview.

This is why so many of us are exhausted, and it’s intentional on the side of the attackers.

Threads users saw this over the weekend when actor David Krumholtz crashed out in spectacular fashion, revealing himself to be a misogynist and worse in reaction to a post that didn’t mention him that he took as a personal affront (after having to confront the consequences of his actions, he deleted his account, then came back, and finally made his account private, all while saying he was a “lovely” person, despite receipts from women showing his years-long pattern of behavior; the one I linked is especially egregious).

Once he was exposed, apparent sock-puppet accounts and others rushed to his defense, attacking those who exposed his actions both in this instance and in previous interactions. By the second or third day, exhaustion set in and people were tired of hearing his name (and I really admired his acting, but now that he’s shown himself to be a fragile jerk, not so much). That’s how so many people get away with egregious behavior and actions: by flooding the zone so that it drowns out and exhausts those calling them out to the point that it feels no longer worth it to fight anymore.

But let’s be clear: Humanity is always worth fighting for. Those who have been marginalized for things that aren’t their choice (race, gender, etc.) are part of humanity and deserve the same rights whether they’re a nonbinary atheist Asian American, a lesbian white Christian woman, or a straight Black Muslim man or anything else. They didn’t choose (except for their religion or lack of one) who they are, and certainly don’t deserve to be treated as less than, especially if their actions have no direct negative effect on others.

Not even going to pretend that my trolls on the newspaper site won’t make this out to say that I support pedophiles … they will, as they always do, despite the fact that the majority of pedophiles, including those who abuse the same sex, are heterosexual. Yet I’ve never knowingly voted for a pedophile (accused or adjudicated) … wonder if they can say the same …

Pretty much every year I’ve noted that straight people take a lot for granted Here’s what I said last year:

“One of the persistent themes among detractors of Pride Month and Pride parades is the absence of a Straight Pride Month, and it’s a really weak argument, same as for Black History Month and Women’s History Month. (And the argument about months to honor the military is doubly specious, as May and November honor veterans, members of the military and their families.)”

“Why? ‘Here’s a blunt way of saying it,’ wrote sociologist Todd Schoepflin in a June 2011 post on the Everyday Sociology blog. ‘Life is a straight pride parade. Walk through a mall holding the hand of someone of the opposite sex. Will that generate a dirty look? Bring home someone of the opposite sex to meet your family. Will there be disapproval? …

“’My point is that heterosexual relationships are encouraged and accepted in society. And while there is more approval for LGBT relationships than in past decades, there is still not full tolerance and acceptance for those relationships in society. …

“’Lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, and transgender people deserve to live and work in communities that are ‘safe, healthy, and satisfying.’ I think everyone wants this for themselves and their families. Everyone wants respect. Everyone wants to be treated equally. Sexuality remains a major factor in how people are treated in society.’

“He’s right. Among other things, straight people never had to fight for their right to exist as heterosexuals. It’s never been illegal to be heterosexual. They were never outed; no one comes out as straight (and sexuality’s not a choice, anyway). They don’t lose jobs or get kicked out of the house because they’re straight. There is no ‘conversion therapy’ for straight people.”

Maybe there should be. I can think of more than a few heterosexuals who could stand to go through that torture.

I’ve found over the years that the people most welcoming to all tend to be the historically marginalized. They know what it feels like to be on the outside looking in. They don’t care if you have different belief systems; what matters to them is that you treat others with humanity.

I usually feel far more at home with my LGBTQIA friends and family than with people with whom I seem to have more in common. Then again, what I have in common with those friends and family is shared humanity, purpose and love (and yeah, there’s also a lot of nerdiness in there too; nerds find each other). That shouldn’t be seen as a bad thing.

Here, though, it often is. I mean, how dare we care about others who may not be just like us?

More’s the pity. My friends and family are pretty dang cool.